


you are my sunshine (but not really, because my skies will always be grey)

by jjibunrock



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Teen Romance, Unrequited Love, swimmer Jean, yearbook committee Eren, yearbook committee Levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2143431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjibunrock/pseuds/jjibunrock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Everyone loves someone, and it was just his luck that the person he loved didn't love him back."</p><p>A short collection of four connected stories about unrequited love and the ones who go through it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eren

**Author's Note:**

> I was in the mood for some serious angst, and thus this was born. It'll probably be around three chapters, each one centering around a different character. I hope you all enjoy!

Mikasa slides into the seat across from her brother, noticing the way his green eyes are pointedly fixed on his book, his glasses pushed to rest on top of his thick brown hair.

"You went to the swim meet last week," she says, resting the camera provided to her by the yearbook committee onto the library table. Eren looks up at her, his expression startled for a few moments. 

"Uh, yeah," he says, and rubs the back of his neck. A nervous habit of his, one that gives him away every time. "Mr. Dowry asked me to."

He didn't, and Mikasa knew that. Mr. Dowry had taken off for the birth of his son and had yet to return.

"I know why you went, Eren," she says. She tries not to sigh, and her brother huffs and looks away.

"Stop it," he says, his voice teetering on the edge of a growl. Mikasa shakes her head.

"You took a lot of pictures of him."

"He's one of my best friends."

"We both know that's not why."

"Why do you care?" Eren's eyes are hard with anger, his body tense and his lips trembling. He opens his mouth to say something else but ends up just pressing his lips together tightly. His fingers are pressed hard against the book's cover, as if they're trying to sink into it.

"You're hurting yourself," she says, and reaches across the table. Her cool fingertips touch his hand until he relaxes. The book falls onto the table with a soft thud.

"I know," Eren says, his voice all tiny and small. Mikasa briefly sees the little boy she'd grown up with, the one who she used to collect firewood with (or for, to be more accurate) before they moved into the city. "I  _know_  that, and that's why I..."

He trails off, and his body tilts forward until his face is pressed against the table. Mikasa waits for him to move, and when he doesn't she tucks a strand of hair behind his ear.

"You can always quit," she says. "You don't have to keep doing it."

She's not exactly talking about the committee. Eren's reply is muffled, but she still hears it. And though she doesn't realize it at first, it breaks her heart.

"I'm okay."

What a lie that is.

* * *

 

“Hey, Eren!”

Jean waves rapidly to him, jogging to meet him halfway. Eren smiles at him, his chest suddenly feeling tight.

“Hey,” he says. Jean wraps his arm around his shoulder just because he knows Eren will push him off and laugh, but a tiny part of Eren wishes that he did it because he wants to.

“I have half a Twix bar in my locker,” he says, and waggles his eyebrows. “I’ll give you it.”

_“I don’t like Twix.”_

_“Aw come on, just try it. I swear you won’t regret it, Jaeger.”_

_“Yeah, sure.”_

_Chew, chew._

_“Well?”_

_“Yeah, it’s good.”_

“Thanks,” Eren says, and he’s proud of the way that his practiced smile looks so natural.

“No problem,” Jean smiles, and when Eren’s heart does a little jump he realizes just how _much_ he likes Jean.

“I should go,” Eren says, sliding away from Jean once he’s been given his candy bar. “Levi’s waiting for me.”

He hugs a stack of photos he has against his chest. Jean’s eyes narrow a bit when he sees them, and then a little smirk comes onto his face.

“Are those from the swim meet?” he asks. “Any good ones of me?”

Eren rolls his eyes and tucks the photos into his messenger bag before Jean’s greedy fingers take them from him and he leaves behind fingerprints. Levi will never let him live it down.

“Somewhere in there,” he says.

_I took them, after all._

“Good,” Jean flashes him another smile, this time accompanied by a thumbs-up. “Make sure the best one gets in.”

_You’re always are the best._

“And stroke your already inflated ego?” Eren smirks back. “Not a chance.”

Jean laughs and ruffles his hair.

“I should get to practice. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye!”

He waves as he walks away, and Eren can’t help the empty feeling he gets as he does.

* * *

 

Levi is already waiting for him by the time he gets down to the parking lot. Since Mikasa has soccer practice and Armin’s car is in the shop, he had volunteered to take Eren home. And since Eren is the only one of his friends that doesn’t know how to drive, he had agreed.

He slides into the passenger side seat of Levi’s car, a flurry of apologizes escaping past his lips.

“Calm down,” Levi says.

Eren stops and nods.

“I have the pictures,” he says. Levi is the head of the yearbook committee, and so it’s his job to pick which pictures make the book and which ones don’t.

“I trust you took some of people other than Kirschstein, right?”

Eren stops, his hand halfway into his bag. He swallows thickly and tries to ignore the sharp prick in his chest.

“Of course,” he says softly.

Levi gives him a calculated look before holding his hand out. Eren places the photos on it before leaning back in his seat.

“Good,” Levi says once he’s finished. “I can use-”

“Sometimes I wish I fell in love with you instead,” Eren blurts out. He isn’t sure why he says it, and judging by the look on Levi’s face…he isn’t either.

The corners of Levi’s thin lips pull down as he frowns, the furrow between his brows making him look older than he actually is. He inhales sharply, and for a while he doesn’t say anything. Eren watches him silently, waiting for him to respond.

“You don’t mean that,” Levi says slowly, his voice soft and patient. “You’re just saying that because you think it’ll be easier.”

The sharp prick is back in Eren’s chest.

“No I’m not,” he says. He looks at Levi.

“It would be the same,” Levi’s voice grows rougher, angrier. “If you think it would be different, you’re wrong. It would be just like it is now. You’d want him, I’d want you, and he wouldn’t ever know.”

“I could love you,” Eren says softly. His eyes are burning. “If I really tried, I think I could.”

“I don’t think you can,” Levi says, his voice soft again. “So…just forget it.”

Eren smashes his lips against Levi’s. He makes a low, surprised sound in the back of his throat. Eren squeezes his eyes shut, focusing on breathing through his nose. Levi’s lips are moving enthusiastically against him, and then suddenly he stops.

He gently pushes him away.

“Don’t do that,” his shoulders are tense, and his fingers dig into Eren’s arms. “Don’t ever do that again, Eren.”

“I thought you wanted me,” Eren whispers.

“Not like this,” Levi says. He runs his fingers through his hair.

“Why not?”

“Because you don’t want me!” Levi’s voice rises suddenly. Eren shrinks back into his chair, his eyes burning even more. Levi breathes unevenly, his shaking fingers brushing briefly against Eren’s cheek before he pulls away completely. “I don’t want to be his replacement, Eren. That…that’s not what I want.”

“Take me home,” Eren’s voice trembles.

“Okay,” Levi says carefully. He won’t look at him.

He puts the car in gear and begins to drive. Eren can’t help but to notice that he goes a little over the speed limit.

Once Levi has pulled up in front of his apartment building, he inhales deeply and turns to face his friend.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

_I’m sorry I can’t love you._

“It’s fine,” Levi says. He seems okay, but Eren knows that deep inside he must be dying.

Levi’s expression goes thoughtful.

“One day,” he says. It’s almost like he’s speaking to himself more than anything. “One day, I’ll get over you.”

For some reason, the words hurt him. Eren nods stiffly, forcing a smile onto his face. It’s easier than it should be.

“I hope so,” he says. “One day, I’ll get over him too.”

Levi gives a searching look before one of his rare smiles come onto his face.

“Good,” he says. “Now get out of my car.”

Eren laughs and grabs his things, thanking Levi before standing on the sidewalk. Levi drives away, and once he’s gone Eren exhales and turns to his apartment complex.

His mother is waiting for him when he gets home.

“Where’s Mikasa?” she asks. Eren drops his bag in the entryway and peels off his jacket.

“Soccer practice,” he replies. “And before you ask, Armin’s car is in the shop. So Levi volunteered to drop me off.”

“Levi?” Carla repeats. “Oh, I remember him! I keep telling you and your sister to invite him over for dinner, you know.”

She gives him a pointed look. Eren swallows roughly, laughing nervously.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he replies.

_Especially after what I just did._

Carla shakes her head at that.

“I don’t see why,” she says, but drops it. Eren is secretly thankful.

* * *

 

The next morning, Jean comes to pick him up. Eren is surprised, but decides to question him later.

Mikasa gives him a searching look as she prepares to leave. Jean is waiting in the dining area, his foot tapping against the ground. She turns briefly to look at him before looking back at her brother.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” she asks, concerned. Eren nods.

“I’ll be fine,” he says, and fiddles with the collar of his shirt. “Seriously, Mikasa. It’s okay.”

“Alright,” she finally says. She sighs and grabs her keys before leaving the apartment.

“Ready to go?” Eren asks once she’s gone. Jean nods and stands, his eyebrows furrowed.

“What was that about?” he asks.

“Nothing,” Eren replies carefully. “Mikasa was just…it’s nothing.”

Jean shrugs and drops it. They make their way down to his car.

“So why’d you come pick me up?” Eren asks.

Jean grips the steering wheel tightly.

“I know,” he says carefully.

Eren’s stomach tightens. He feels like he’s on the verge of vomiting. He forces a short, clipped laugh. Jean doesn’t seem to buy it.

“What are you talking about?” he says, though he stutters and a slow heat begins to burn in his face.

“I know you like me,” Jean says.

Eren turns away, tears blurring his vision. He barks out another laugh.

“Did Levi tell you that?” he asks cruelly. It would make sense. Maybe Levi got fed up of him talking about Jean every time they were together. Maybe he got tired of being the second choice.

“No,” Jean says, a troubled expression on his face. “Marco kept saying that maybe you did. He said he noticed how you looked at me or whatever. And at first I didn’t think you did. I mean imagine it. One of my best _guy_ friends having feelings for me?”

He pauses. Eren doesn’t say anything.

“So then I thought that I’d be more aware around you,” he says. His voice drops to a whisper. “I figured it out.”

“Finally,” Eren whispers. He wipes at his now wet face.

“We’re still friends,” Jean says. “But…that’s all we’ll ever be.”

Eren wants to vomit. He wants to punch a wall and cry and never leave his room ever again. But he’s stuck in Jean’s car, and his mother hadn’t left for work yet.

“I’m sorry,” Eren grits out. “I…”

“It’s okay,” Jean says soothingly. He cracks a small, half-smile. “Someone had to take good pictures of me, right?”

Eren laughs through a sob, pressing his arm against his eyes. Suddenly, Jean pulls him towards himself. His arms wrap around him tightly, and Eren swears he smells chlorine on his shirt.

“I’m sorry.”

It seems to be the only thing he’s good at saying.

“It’s okay,” Jean tells him. His arms unwind themselves from Eren, allowing the brunet to sit back in his seat. “I’ll still give you half of my Twix.”

“Thanks,” Eren says, laughing.

His chest still aches, though. For a fleeting second, he wonders if this was how Levi had felt… _has_ been feeling.

He pushes the thought away and focuses on Jean’s mindless chattering. He has a habit of speaking unnecessarily when he’s nervous, and Eren had an idea of what he’s worrying about. 

“I’m not hurt,” he says, interrupting Jean when he’s in the middle of talking about some new video game that’s just come out. “So if you’re worried about that…don’t be.”

Jean rolls to a stop at the red light, exhaling heavily.

“Okay,” he says, and his voice sounds strange to Eren. “That’s good.”

“Yeah,” Eren replies, noticing how awkward it’s gotten between them.

He’s never been more thankful to see their school. As soon as they’re walking through the doors, Eren makes up some lame excuse about going to see a teacher about a homework assignment. Luckily Jean buys it, and he takes off without a second thought.

Levi looks at him blankly when he stops by his locker.

“What’s wrong?” he asks carefully. Eren blinks heavily to stop the tears that have suddenly formed in his eyes.

“Jean knows,” he says quickly, his voice cracking. “He figured it out.”

“That…” Levi trails off. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

His voice, and expression, is surprisingly honest. Levi’s never been good with words or feelings or things like that, which is why it had been so surprising when he had confessed to Eren that he felt something more than friendly for him.

“I don’t really want you to say anything,” Eren says. He slumps against the locker next to Levi’s. “You’ll probably say some bullshit about it being okay. I don’t really want to hear that.”

“It will be okay,” Levi says firmly. He slams his locker shut and stands in front of Eren. “You told me you’d get over him one day.”

“Yeah, one day,” Eren replies. “Not… _today_.”

Levi shrugs.

“Any day’s a good day to start,” he says.

“What about you, then?” Eren asks him. Levi’s eyes widen briefly. A bitter smile crosses onto his face.

“I haven’t tried yet,” he says.

“Any day’s a good day to start,” Eren echoes, and Levi’s expression softens the tiniest bit.

“Using my own words against me?” he murmurs, his tone almost fond. “Nice.”

Eren wants to use his practiced smile, but he knows Levi will see right through it. Instead, he laughs quietly to himself and pushes off the locker.

“Thanks,” he says, and the two of them walk side by side to class.


	2. Levi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a few months before chapter one does.

According to his mother, everyone loves someone. And it’s just his terrible luck that the person he loves doesn’t love him back.

Maybe it’s because he’s always been, in the words of his neighbor Hanji, “emotionally constipated”. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay for Eren to look at Jean like he’s some kind of fucking god while he’s just the perpetually pissed off guy who gives him rides home and thinks his eyes are sort of pretty.

Damn. That had sounded less cheesy in his head.

Levi closes his eyes and tilts back until his back falls against the soft mattress beneath him. He rests his clasped hands on his stomach, forcing the furrow between his eyebrows to go away.

_“It makes you look older. Like an angry old man, haha.”_

_“Fuck you. It does not.”_

As if to aggravate his already shitty mood, his phone rings. Groaning to himself, Levi sits up and grabs the offending device, pressing it against his ear.

“What do you want?” he snaps. He’s not in the mood to talk to anyone.

“Ouch, rude,” a teasing voice replies.

Levi swallows roughly when realizes it’s Eren.

“Oh, it’s you,” he says. He tries to come off as nonchalant, but even he can recognize the little bit of excitement in his voice. Hopefully Eren won’t.

“You don’t sound very happy to talk to me,” Eren laughs, and against his will Levi’s face begins to turn red. He curses under his breath and struggles to think of a reply.

“Yeah,” he says lamely, and then remembers what Eren had said. “I mean no. I’m not against talking to you but I’m also-”

“Is everything okay?” Eren asks, and Levi can imagine the smirk on the little bastard’s face. “You sound a little…nervous.”

_Well it may be due to the fact that I have a huge crush on you and your presence makes me think a bunch of romantic shit I don’t want to, but hey, I’m no expert._

“I’m fine,” Levi says, finally getting himself in check. He clears his throat and fiddles with the blanket on his bed. “So what exactly did you want?”

“Oh, well Jean invited me to this party the swim team’s having tonight. Are you in?”

“The swim team?” Levi asks.

“Yeah. Jean’s on there, remember?”

_How could I forget? He’s all you fucking talk about._

“…Is your sister going?”

He’s not sure why, but Eren’s sister Mikasa has always given him weird looks. He always tells himself that he’ll ask her about them, but it usually slips his mind. He’s sure that she’ll probably _still_ look at him like he killed her puppy or something, and with his already bad mood Levi isn’t really in the mood to deal with her.

“Yeah, why?”

Levi fiddles with the blanket again.

“…Levi?” Eren’s voice sounds concerned. “Did something happen between you two?”

“Not exactly,” Levi says. “I’m just being dumb, don’t worry.”

“Okay…” Eren sounds doubtful. “Well, are you coming? It would suck without you.”

“It would suck _with_ me,” Levi murmurs. Eren scoffs.

“Not true,” he says. “Please, Levi. For me?”

Levi’s breath hitches. It’s almost sad, he thinks. It’s almost _sad_ how he’s so willing to do anything Eren asks of him. He’s almost completely sure that he would jump off a cliff for him (it would take a hell of a lot of convincing, but that’s not the point).

“Yeah, fine,” he finally says. He flops back onto the bed. “When is it?”

“Tonight, Levi,” Eren chuckles. “I’m pretty sure I told you.”

“Right, sorry,” Levi shakes his head even though Eren can’t see him. “I’ll be there.”

“Great!” Eren chirps. “It starts at eight. Mikasa and I will come pick you up.”

“Okay,” Levi says. There are little butterflies in his stomach, and the feeling of it makes him feel ridiculous. “I’ll…see you then.”

“Yeah, see you!”

Eren hangs up, and Levi lets his phone slip from his hand and fall onto the bed. He stares up at the ceiling, the light, fluttery feeling still in the pit of his stomach.

_Tonight…tonight I’ll tell him._

* * *

 

The party is in full swing by the time the three of them arrive. Levi looks around the room, his eyes not lingering on one spot for too long.

Eren comes up from behind him, laughing next to his ear. Levi’s thankful that the darkness of the room hides the slow-building blush that covers his face.

“Nice party, huh?” he says. His eyes are shining. Levi shrugs.

“I guess,” he replies. “We just got here.”

This time, Eren shrugs. He smirks and turns around.

“I’m going to get a drink. Do you want one?”

“Pass,” Levi says.

Eren nods and disappears into the crowd. Suddenly, Mikasa slides up next to him. Levi desperately tries not to jump and squints at her.

“What?” he asks.

Mikasa’s expression is blank, her eyes unreadable. Levi clicks his tongue in annoyance and looks away.

“I know you like Eren,” she says bluntly.

Levi quickly turns to look at her. His heart is hammering loudly in his ears, and he can faintly hear the sound of his blood pulsing over the near deafening music.

“What?” he asks, hoping to play dumb.

Of course, Mikasa sees right through his lame attempt. Her eyes flicker briefly upstairs before she grabs Levi around his bicep and tugs him. He can’t help but to think about how she’s surprisingly strong.

She leads him into a random room upstairs, which looks to be a guest bedroom. She softly closes the door behind her, effectively blocking out all noise from downstairs.

“I know you have a crush on my brother,” she says slowly. Probably so that Levi will get it.

He nearly rolls his eyes at it. He’s not dumb…just not willing to believe she knows.

“I don’t like him,” he says flatly.

_I fucking love him._

“You’re not fooling anyone,” she says. Levi grits his teeth, suddenly annoyed. Why does she have to be so infuriating?

“Alright, whatever,” Levi says, taking a seat on the bed. “You can skip the whole protective sister speech. Your brother doesn’t like me.”

“I didn’t want to give you that speech,” Mikasa says. There’s a slight furrow between her eyebrows. “And I know how he feels about Jean.”

The mention of the swimmer makes Levi’s chest ache. He can’t understand what Eren finds so appealing about the guy. Levi personally thinks his face resembles a horse’s.

“So you thought you’d rub it in my face or something?” he snorts. Mikasa shakes her head.

“I thought I’d tell you to save yourself the heartache,” she says. “I see what my brother goes through every day. I don’t want you to have to deal with it too.”

Levi looks at her suspiciously.

“Why do you even care?” he spits. “It’s not your fucking heart that’s going to break. Just let me be miserable.”

“You don’t want to be,” she says. “Eren hates it so much, you know.”

“I hate it too,” Levi says. “I hate how he looks at him like he’s the greatest fucking thing…even when I’m standing there.”

His hands clench into tight fists in his lap.

“You’re his best friend,” Mikasa says.

“I know that!” Levi growls. “So don’t-”

“You asked me why I cared,” she cuts him off smoothly, seemingly unfazed by his bout of anger. “That’s why I care. You’re Eren’s best friend. You’ve known him since you were both little. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

_You’re like a brother to me._

Levi swallows thickly, his eyes blurring. He shakes his head at himself and avoids Mikasa’s piercing gaze.

“Thanks,” he says. His voice cracks, and he prays she doesn’t hear it.

If she does, she doesn’t say anything. Mikasa looks at him for a few moments before she opens the door. Levi gives her a questioning look, and the barest hint of a sad smile is on her face.

“You look like you need some time to yourself,” she says.

“Yeah,” he says. “Thanks.”

Mikasa nods and closes the door behind herself. Levi leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. He rests his head in his hands, keeping his breaths even and controlled. His head feels heavy and throbbing, but he doesn’t know what to do to stop it.

The door opens, and Levi rolls his eyes.

“I thought you were giving me some space.”

“It’s me.”

Levi looks up immediately. Eren stands in the doorway, his fingers twisting the edge of his cardigan. He looks apprehensive, and against his better judgment Levi pats the empty space next to him.

Eren softly closes the door and crosses the room to sit next to Levi. He looks over at him a couple of times before sighing and turning to fully face him.

“What’s up?” he asks. Eren sighs softly.

“Mikasa told me to talk to you,” he says. “She looked worried. Did…something happen?”

“I guess you could say that,” Levi mutters. He chuckles softly and runs his fingers through his hair. “Your sister’s pretty observant.”

“She is,” Eren agrees. He smiles a little and looks into Levi’s eyes. There’s a troubled expression on his face, and Levi finds himself looking away. “Levi…what happened?”

“She figured out something I was trying to hide,” he replies. Levi plucks at a loose thread on the bedspread beneath him, desperate not to look into Eren’s eyes.

“What was it?” Eren asks.

“I…” Levi’s eyes widen. His throat feels blocked, as if he’d suddenly swallowed something and it had gotten stuck.

_Now’s the time. Now’s when I’ll tell him._

“Eren,” he says, and looks into the boy’s bright green eyes. “I…like you.”

Eren’s expression goes from worry to pure shock. Levi half expects him to say something dumb, that he likes him too. In fact, that’s what Levi expects. He already has the words, has “ _No, idiot, I **like**_ _you_ ,” on the tip of his tongue.

But Eren doesn’t give him the response he’s expecting. Instead, his mouth drops open. He looks like he’s struggling to say something. If this had been any other situation, Levi thinks he would have been amused. Eren always had something to say, and this is the first time he’s ever been rendered speechless.

“Levi,” he finally says. “I’m sorry.”

Levi squeezes his eyes shut and turns away. He rests his elbows back onto his thighs, holding his head again.

“Don’t say that,” he says. His voice sounds pleading, almost desperate, but he doesn’t care.

“I don’t know what else to say,” Eren whispers. Levi imagines him biting his lip.

“I know you like Jean. I’m okay with it.”

_I fucking hate it._

“Levi-”

“What do you see in him?”

He doesn’t mean to say it out loud, but the damage has already been done. His eyes snap open, and cautiously he looks over at Eren.

“What?” the boy asks quietly. Levi leans back, resting his hands on the bed.

“Jean,” the name tastes bitter on his tongue. “What do you see in him?”

_What does he have that I don’t?_

“I don’t know,” Eren admits.

_I don’t know what to tell you._

“Would it be that terrible?” Levi asks. He looks over at Eren and doesn’t try to hide the fact that there are big, fat tears in his eyes. “Would it be that terrible to love me?”

“No,” Eren says. “But…”

_I don’t._

“Why, Eren?” Levi asks.

_Why would you choose him over me?_

“It just happened,” Eren says.

“There had to have been something!” Levi raises his voice. Eren’s eyes widen again, but he quickly regains his composure.

“I don’t know what it was,” Eren says.

“Hanji tells me that I’m emotionally constipated,” Levi says suddenly. He stares at the ground, his shoulders slumped. “She tells me that all the time, you know.”

“I know,” Eren replies quietly. “You used to complain about it.”

“It still pisses me off,” Levi says. His hands suddenly clench into fists. “It may not seem like it…but damn it, I’m still fucking _human_!”

_I have feelings..._

“I know, Levi,” Eren’s voice is gentle, patient, and for some reason it makes Levi _sick_.

“It wouldn't be bad, right?” Levi asks again. “It wouldn’t be too bad if you fell in love with me, right?”

“Sometimes I wish I did,” Eren confesses, his voice almost inaudible because of how soft it is. “I think it would be easier, too. At least you’d love me.”

“Yeah, I would,” Levi smiles bitterly at him, closing his eyes and laughing softly.

_But you wouldn’t love me back._


	3. Jean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts off like a week or so before chapter one and then jumps to the same time as the first chapter.
> 
> I also decided to make a fourth chapter that would show how all three characters are fairing after the events of chapter one since none of the three chapters did.

Jean furrows his eyebrows at the sight in front of him. Levi and Eren are standing by the latter’s locker, both looking equally upset. Eren is waving his arms around wildly as he speaks, and Levi is glaring at him and rolling his eyes at whatever he says.

Then, Levi’s eyes land on Jean over Eren’s shoulder. His furious expression seems to worsen, and against his will a shiver goes down Jean’s spine. He swallows roughly and looks away from the piercing gaze fixed upon him.

After a few minutes, Eren comes down the hallway. He looks a bit tired, and Jean guesses it has to do with his heated conversation with Levi.

“That looked pretty intense,” he says. Eren chuckles dryly and runs his fingers through his hair.

“You have no idea,” he mutters. Raising his voice, he smiles apologetically at Jean. “Sorry, but Levi’s going to drop me off home.”

“Why?” Jean says, trying not to whine. Earlier in the week, he and Eren had made plans to hang out on Friday. Jean hasn’t seen much of his friend lately, and had been really looking forward to the day.

“It’s complicated,” Eren replies. Jean scoffs and rolls his eyes, clenching his jaw.

“Everything’s always complicated with him,” he snaps. Eren grips the straps of his backpack tightly, his knuckles turning white.

“He’s going through a difficult time, that’s all,” Eren says.

_He doesn’t want me anywhere near you._

“Well he needs to get over it,” Jean says. “Every time I try to talk to you, he’s always fucking glaring at me. What the hell did I even do to him?”

“Jean,” Eren says, his voice firm. Jean looks down at him, noting the angry furrow in-between his eyebrows. “He’s-”

“Eren, let’s go.”

Jean glares over Eren’s head at Levi. He looks back at him impassively, but even from where he’s standing he can see how tightly his jaw is clenched.

“I’m coming,” Eren hisses at him. Levi clicks his tongue and begins to walk away.

“Five minutes,” he says, looking pointedly at Eren, who rolls his eyes.

And for whatever reason, Jean begins to see red. He rushes forward and grabs Levi by the shoulder.

“Hey!” he says, and slams the shorter boy against the nearest locker. Levi scowls hatefully at him, pushing him off easily.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” he growls.

“What the fuck is your problem with me?” Jean demands, not letting Levi walk away.

Eren’s eyes widen at the scene in front of him. He grabs Jean’s shoulder.

“Stop it, Jean,” he says.

Jean shrugs him off and looks at Levi.

“Well? Answer the goddamn question,” he grits out. “What did I do to you?”

“It’s not about what you’re doing to me,” Levi snarls. “It’s about what you’re doing to Eren!”

“Levi!” Eren’s voice is frantic, going up an octave.

“What?” Levi snaps. “It’s not like I said anything! Even if I did, he’d be too fucking stupid to get it.”

“Get what?” Jean demands. He looks back at Eren, whose eyes are wide. “Eren, what did I do to you?”

“Nothing,” Eren says, his voice back to normal. “Levi’s just being a dick.”

Levi chuckles dryly at that, getting off of the locker.

“Oh, I’m the dick?” he says.

Eren slowly shakes his head.

“Just stop,” he says weakly. He looks at Jean and flashes him a tiny smile. “See you on Monday.”

Jean watches as he walks away with Levi. He slowly gets his things together before walking toward the parking lot. He nearly has a heart attack when someone grabs his shoulder.

“Hey, are you okay?”

He looks to his right to see his friend Marco looking at him. His brown eyes are filled with worry. Jean forces a smile and nods.

“I’m fine,” he replies. Marco scoffs.

“Liar,” he says. He jerks his head in the direction of the end of the hall. “I saw what happened back there.”

“Oh,” Jean says simply. He stares at the ground as they walk.

“It seemed pretty intense-”

“Marco, I’m trying to forget about it,” Jean says.

Marco purses his lip.

“He’s right, you know,” he says. Jean looks at him sharply.

“Huh?”

“Levi, I mean,” Marco makes a vague gesture with his hands. “If he told you, you probably wouldn’t get it. Half of it would be insults to you anyway.”

Jean sighs and adjusts the straps of his backpack.

“I don’t know what he was talking about,” he complains.

Marco gives him a sympathetic look.

“You don’t see the way he looks at you, Jean.”

“Uh yeah, I do. He looks at me like he wants to kill me,” Jean replies. Marco sighs heavily.

“Not _Levi_ ,” he says. “Eren. I’m talking about Eren.”

Jean gives Marco a suspicious look.

“You know what Levi was talking about?”

Marco nods slowly.

“He looks at you like…” he trails off, eyebrows furrowed as he tries to come up with the words. “Kind of like you’re his everything, I guess.”

Jean stops walking, his eyes wide. He gives Marco a doubtful look, but his friend’s expression is completely serious.

“Marco,” he says slowly. “What are you saying?”

“I think Eren has a crush on you-”

“Impossible,” Jean says instantly. Marco frowns lightly.

“It’s kind of obvious, actually,” he says.

“Then why don’t I see it?” Jean says, walking again. He digs his keys out from his pocket and searches the parking lot for his car.

“You’re kind of dense,” Marco says honestly. Jean glares at him.

“Thanks, asshole,” he snaps. His mind is going crazy.

_He’s wrong. He has to be wrong. Eren doesn’t think of me like **that**._

“If you were more aware around him, maybe you’d see it too,” Marco says, and walks away.

Jean considers calling him back and demanding that he explain _why_ he thought what he did, but he knows how Marco is. He’ll make Jean figure it out on his own.

Sighing to himself, he reaches his car and just sits in the driver’s seat for a while. He rests his head against the seat and stares out at nothing in particular.

 _He’s wrong, he has to be wrong_.

* * *

Turns out, Marco isn’t wrong.

At first, it had been hard for Jean to tell. In his opinion, Eren always acted the same way around him. But then he started looking closer.

Between the blushes, extended glances, and obvious excitement to see him, it was hard to not realize.

“Well?” Marco says to him before they head to the pool for practice.

“He likes me,” Jean whispers. His voice has a strange quality to it that he doesn’t quite understand.

“And you…?”

“Don’t like him,” he replies. He exhales shakily and runs his fingers through his hair. “What the fuck do I do?”

“Be honest with him,” Marco says. “He’s your best friend, so you have to be delicate about it.”

“Delicate?” Jean echoes. Marco smirks a bit.

“Yeah, delicate,” he says, and then pauses. “Basically, don’t be a dick.”

Jean rolls his eyes and walks to the locker room.

“Got it.”

* * *

He goes to pick up Eren the next day. For at least ten minutes, he sits in the car and grips the steering wheel tightly. He runs over what he’s going to say, rehearses every line until it sounds less and less dickish (Marco would be proud).

Finally, he pulls his keys out from the ignition and heads up to Eren’s apartment. He takes the stairs, just to prolong the inevitable. He needs as much time as he can get.

He knocks on the door, expecting Eren to answer. Instead, he gets Eren’s sister Mikasa. Her eyes widen briefly before she has her usual blank expression on her face.

“Eren’s in the shower,” she says.

“That’s okay,” Jean says, forcing his voice not to tremble. “I’ll wait for him.”

“Why?” she asks, and Jean notices that her voice sounds a little hostile.

“I wanted to pick him up,” he forces a grin onto his face. “It would be nice for you. It can’t be easy being stuck with him all day.”

“I don’t mind,” Mikasa says. “He’s my brother, after all.”

Jean swallows roughly.

“Uh, well-”

“Jean?”

He’s never been more thankful to hear Eren’s voice.

“Hey!” he says. Eren looks shocked.

“Why are you here?” he asks slowly.

Mikasa mutters something under her breath and steps away from the door so that Jean can come in.

“I thought we could go to school together,” he says.

“Oh, okay…” Eren says, trailing off. He shakes his head. “I’ll just get my-”

“You can wait in the dining room,” Mikasa says to Jean, a dangerous look in her eyes. “I have to talk to Eren.”

“Okay,” Jean says, slowly walking to the dining room.

His foot taps against the ground as he waits. From the corner of his eye, he can see Mikasa and Eren talking. They’re speaking too softly for him to hear, and he figures it’s about him because of the way Mikasa’s eyes flicker over to him.

After a few minutes she leaves, and Eren turns to him.

“Ready to go?” he asks.

Jean nods and stands up slowly, wondering what they were saying.

“What was that about?” he asks. Eren’s eyes widen briefly.

“Nothing,” he says carefully. “Mikasa was just…it’s nothing.”

Jean shrugs and decides to drop it. He leads Eren down to his car, his heart hammering loudly in his chest. For a second, it almost feels like he can’t breathe.

Once they’re inside, he holds the steering wheel tightly. He puts the car into gear and carefully pulls out into the street. He can feel Eren looking at him, and he sighs quietly.

_Hey man, I know you like me. You’re a great guy, but I don’t think of you like that. I hope we can still be friends, though._

“I know.”

Fuck. That isn’t what he wanted to say.

Eren gives him a quizzical look, his face beginning to turn red. He knows what Jean’s talking about.

“What are you talking about?” he asks. Jean sighs.

He had been so sure that things would be fine, that it would be over in seconds. But for whatever reason, Eren’s lame attempts at playing dumb make him more nervous and reluctant to speak.

“I know you like me,” he says, and in his mind he pictures it’s like ripping off a band-aid.

Eren’s eyes fill with tears, and Jean feels like a total dick. He wants to comfort him, but all the words in his head feel so wrong.

“Did Levi tell you that?” Eren asks, rather cruelly in Jean’s opinion.

 “No,” Jean says, a troubled expression on his face. “Marco kept saying that maybe you did. He said he noticed how you looked at me or whatever. And at first I didn’t think you did. I mean imagine it. One of my best  _guy_  friends having feelings for me?”

_Fuck! I shouldn’t have said that last part. Fuck, fuck fuck-_

He stops his mental abuse to himself and looks over at Eren quickly. He’s staring at the dashboard with a blank expression on his face, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that yes, Jean _has_ fucked up.

“So then I thought that I’d be more aware around you,” he says. His voice drops to a whisper. “I figured it out.”

“Finally,” Eren whispers. He wipes at his now wet face, and Jean feels nothing but terrible.

“We’re still friends,” Jean says. “But…that’s all we’ll ever be.”

He tries to gauge Eren’s expression, but he doesn’t seem to be feeling anything. And if he is, he’s hiding it well.

 “I’m sorry,” Eren grits out. “I…”

“It’s okay,” Jean says soothingly. He cracks a small, half-smile. “Someone had to take good pictures of me, right?”

Eren laughs through a sob, and Jean wants nothing more than to comfort him. He pulls over and grabs Eren into a tight hug, and he almost cries himself when the force of Eren’s sobbing causes his whole body to shake in his arms.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Jean tells him. His arms unwind themselves from Eren, allowing the brunet to sit back in his seat. “I’ll still give you half of my Twix.”

“Thanks,” Eren says, laughing. Jean can tell that he’s not happy _at all_.

The silence between them gets unbearable when Jean begins to drive again. Desperate to fill it, he prattles on and on about this new game that had come out. Occasionally he’ll look over at Eren, and after a while his friend gets an annoyed expression on his face.

 “I’m not hurt,” he says, interrupting Jean. “So if you’re worried about that…don’t be.”

Jean rolls to a stop at the red light, exhaling heavily.

_I can’t stop worrying._

“Okay,” he says, his voice small. “That’s good.”

“Yeah,” Eren replies. Once again, the air between them has gotten awkward.

As soon as they pull into a parking space, Eren says something about getting help on his math homework. Jean knows he’s just trying to get away, and he’s willing to let him go.

Once Eren’s gone, he walks to his locker. As expected, Marco is waiting for him.

“How’d it go?” he asks. Jean sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, putting his combination in and opening his locker.

“We’re never going to be the same,” he says honestly. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“You would have said something eventually,” Marco says, patting Jean’s shoulder as he walks away. “You did the right thing.”

Jean watches his friend walk away silently. When he looks down the hall, he sees Levi and Eren walking side by side to their homeroom. Eren enters first, and Levi starts to follow him. But then, he stops. He looks straight at Jean, their eyes locking.

A small smile comes onto Levi’s face, and then he disappears into the room. Jean stares at the empty space he once occupied, a tight feeling in his chest. He slams his locker shut, walking to his own homeroom.

_If I did the right thing…then why does it feel so wrong?_


	4. Final

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the final chapter. I honestly never expected to post it or get any feedback, but everyone has been super supportive and I’m glad to know that you all enjoyed it. Thanks to everyone who took some time to read!
> 
> Takes place a few months after chapter one.

Eren sinks his toes into the sand, watching as his feet are fully submerged. The ocean laps warmly at him, soaking the bottom of his pants. He relaxes his body, eyes slipping shut as he breathes in the strong, salty scent of the beach. The breeze that blows on him feels almost like a warm breath, oddly comforting in a way.

“Eren?”

The teenager stiffens at the sound of his name, eyes snapping open. He looks over one shoulder at the boy behind him, who stares at him curiously.

“Hey, Jean.”

“What are you doing out here?” his friend asks, stepping closer until they’re side by side.

“I don’t know,” Eren says honestly. “I was just walking, and the next thing I knew I was out here.”

“That’s kind of weird,” Jean says softly, and Eren chuckles. He looks up at the sky, frowning a bit. “It’s going to rain soon, you know.”

“I know,” Eren replies. “I’m not planning on staying out here much longer, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Jean nods at him before turning to face the ocean.

“It’s nice out here,” he says.

“I haven’t been here since I was little,” Eren confesses. “I mean I’ve wanted to come back, but I just never found the time to. I figured it would always be here anyway. But…”

_You can’t always take things for granted._

Jean looks at him suspiciously before sighing, the sound almost lost because of how quiet it is.

“You haven’t talked to him, have you?”

Eren stiffens beside him, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. His hasn’t trimmed his bangs yet, so they were longer than usual and hung into his eyes. Jean briefly felt the urge to brush them away, but deemed the act too intimate and chose not to.

“I want to,” he replies, staring at his sand-crusted feet.

_But I can’t find the right words._

“Well he’s your best friend, right?” Jean says with a shrug. “You guys can just pick up where you left off.”

“Not this time,” Eren says. “He’s…”

_I don’t even know._

“Complicated?” Jean offers, and relishes in the tiny laugh Eren lets out.

“Yeah, complicated,” Eren says softly. He looks at Jean. “What do you think I should do?”

“Try to talk to him?”

“And if he doesn’t want to talk?”

“Keep trying.”

“Keep trying,” Eren echoes.

He finally brushes the hair away from his eyes, tucking a few of the longer strands behind his ear. He shakes his head and tugs lightly on the ends before letting go, his arms falling down to rest by his sides.

“Is it weird that I’m scared to talk to him?” he asks.

“It makes sense,” Jean replies. “The past few months have been pretty weird for all of us. He’s just talking it differently.”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with him, though,” Eren says, eyebrows furrowed. “It was between you and me.”

“Exactly,” Jean says. “What happened between us involved _you_.”

_Levi’s always concerned about you._

“Right,” Eren says.

Jean smiles softly and playfully nudges Eren’s shoulder with his own.

“Tell me how it goes, okay?” he says.

Eren nods.

“Yeah, of course.”

_If it goes anywhere._

* * *

 

Eren inhales deeply before raising his hand and rapping on the door softly. It sounds louder than it actually in the emptiness of the hallway, and he cringes as the sound echoes back to him. He can hear faint footsteps on the other side of the door, and with each step his heart pounds louder and louder.

Finally, the door creaks open. Levi stares at him with a blank expression, but his eyes are filled with something Eren can’t quite describe.

“Hey,” Levi says simply.

Eren can’t help how his jaw drops. Flabbergasted, he struggles to come up with words. He grinds his teeth together harshly before slowly gritting out his response.

“You haven’t talked to me in over two months,” he begins, a dull ache blooming in the back of his skull. “And all you say is _hey_?”

“Were you expecting me to say something else?” Levi asks, still cool as a cucumber. It’s honestly infuriating to Eren, who’s struggling to keep his temper in check.

“Yeah, I was,” he admits. He moves his foot around in his sneaker, wincing at the slow drag of sand grains against his feet. Maybe he _should_ have rinsed his foot off in the bathroom by the beach.

“Sorry to disappoint you,” he replies, leaning against the doorframe. “Is there something I can help you with?”

Eren clenches his hands into fists, breathing harshly as tears prick the backs of his eyelids.

“I…I want an explanation.”

“For…?”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Eren says. He looks away from his friend, attempting to keep the tears at bay.

Levi’s expression hardens. He narrows his eyes slightly before shaking his head, jaw clenched tight.

“So you decided to come and bother me?” he asks.

“It seemed pretty logical, yeah,” Eren says, swallowing sharply.

“Logical, huh?” Levi murmurs.

Eren scowls at him, nails digging into his palms.

“What’s your problem with me?” he asks, voice cracking. Levi’s eyes widen briefly.

“I…” he trails off.

_I don’t have anything against you._

“I shouldn’t have come here,” Eren says, the tears finally falling. He turns away, but Levi grips his arm and pulls his back.

“Eren,” he says softly.

He lets himself be led into the room, a small part of him surprised that Levi hasn’t complained about the sand grains all over the hardwood floor of his living room. They sit on the couch, facing each other silently.

“I just want to know why,” Eren says.

He lifts his hand to wipe at his face, but Levi’s calloused fingers are already there. He breathes slowly and carefully as the other teen traces his cheekbones and the soft line of his jaw before his hand falls into his lap, the other hand coming up to run his fingers through his dark undercut.

“I don’t even know,” Levi says, shaking his head. “It made so much sense at the time, you know? But now I realized that it’s just so fucking stupid.”

“Can you explain it to me?” Eren requests.

“I knew that you would get hurt by Jean,” Levi says softly, his expression almost ashamed. “And…and I didn’t want to have to comfort you. Not because of you…but because I felt like a second choice.”

“You were never a second choice,” Eren says. “I’ve known you since we were little kids. You’d never be second to me.”

“I was jealous, too,” Levi says, seemingly ignoring what Eren had said. “I was jealous that he was this fucking amazing guy to you, and I was just your friend. I hated being the friend. I wanted to be more to you…but you had him.”

“I need you too you know,” Eren says honestly, scooting closer. “I’ll always need you, Levi.”

Levi nods slowly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Eren says, nodding. Suddenly, he laughs. “You’re going to make me cry again.”

Levi snorts and shakes his head fondly, his expression soft.

“You’d cry at anything, Eren.”

Eren laughs and before sobering up, chewing his lip lightly.

“Are we okay now?” he asks. Levi rolls his eyes, yanking him into a hug.

“Yes, you idiot.”

“Hey!”

* * *

 

Levi and Jean stiffly sit across from each other at the café table while Eren babbles on and on about something.

“You still hate my guts, don’t you?” Jean says with a sigh. Levi smirks.

“Nope.”

“Knew it-wait, what?”

Levi’s smirk widens as he leans back in his seat.

“I don’t hate you,” he says. “But if you ever hurt Eren again…well, let’s just say I can’t be held accountable for my actions.”

“Is that a threat?” Jean asks, narrowing his eyes. Levi shrugs.

“If you want it to be,” he replies.

Eren frowns at the two of them, crossing his arms.

“You guys weren’t listening to anything I was saying,” he accuses.

“He threatened me,” Jean exclaims. “I was scared for my life!”

“He’s just being overdramatic,” Levi says, rolling his eyes. “Ignore him.”

Eren sighs heavily, shaking his head.

“It’s going to take a while for you two to have a civil interaction isn’t it?”

Levi snickers softly, while Jean rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Probably,” they both say, and Eren rolls his eyes.

_At least some things will never change._

“So there’s another swim meet coming up,” Jean says, waggling his eyebrows at Eren. “I hope you have your camera ready.”

“Oh please,” Eren says, snorting. “Why would I want the yearbook to be filled with pictures of your horse face?”

“Horse face?!” Jean repeats, his eyes wide. “Dude, I’m so offended!”

“Gee, we couldn’t tell,” Levi remarks dryly. Jean mocks his words under his breath.

“You guys are so mean to me,” he whines. “This is why I hang out with Marco.”

“Marco probably thinks the same thing as us,” Eren says, snickering. “He’s just a lot… _nicer_ about it.”

Jean’s jaw drops before he shakes his head, pulling out his phone.

“I’m going to ask him,” he says determinedly, fingers flying across the keyboard of his phone. “Watch him tell me how awesome I am.”

“How long will we have to wait for that?” Levi asks. “I don’t want to get any grey hairs.”

“But you already have an old man’s face,” Eren teases. Levi looks at him sharply.

“Whose side are you on?” he asks, and Jean snorts. “And you shouldn’t be talking, buddy.”

“Right, sorry,” Jean says. His phone buzzes, his eyes quickly reading the words displayed to him.

“What did he say?” Eren asks, leaning over the table to read it.

Jean angrily pushes the device over to his friend.

_‘Keep dreaming, Jean’_

“I knew I liked Marco for a reason!” Eren exclaims, swiftly dodging the smack aimed at his face.

“Shut up!” Jean says, and Levi bites his lip to contain his laughter.

Eren grins at his two friends broadly, laughter bubbling up from him before he can stop it.

_I’m glad things worked out between us all._

“What’re you thinking about?” Jean asks, breaking Eren out of his thoughts.

“Don’t think, Eren,” Levi says, his voice filled with false concern. He leans over, patting Eren’s back. “It’s dangerous for the rest of us.”

“Shut up,” he says, sticking his tongue out. “I was just thinking about how nice it is for all of us to be like this.”

Jean fakes a sniffle, turning away dramatically.

“Don’t get all emotional on me, Jaeger,” he says.

Levi sighs.

“You missed your calling for the drama club. Seriously,” he says.

Jean laughs, and he and Levi begin to banter back and forth again. Eren tunes them out, resting his chin on his hands.

There’s still a lot of things for them to work out, Eren’s well aware of that. But at least now they’re able to sit down together and _act_ like friends.

And even though his feelings will never be returned, and Levi’s won’t be returned either…

_We’ll always have each other._


End file.
